day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
