That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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