Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
