who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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