People in love make me want to vomit
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
