blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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