at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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