I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
