Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
