Christians are straight up FREAKS
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
