i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
