I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
