He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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