someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
