I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
