Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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