god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
