so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
