He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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