Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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