On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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