Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
