Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
