Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
