my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
