I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
