well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
