Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
