he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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