is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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