the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
