Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
