i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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