My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
