Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
