found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
