One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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