I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
