I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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