The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
