Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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