I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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