I don't usually arrange sex via text message
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
