My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
