hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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