she looked like the before picture.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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