Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
