So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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