Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
