State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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