My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
