I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
