If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
