he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
