so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
