I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Drake has all the answers
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
