I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
