I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
