Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
